It was the perfect night. The stars were aligned, and the mood was right. After months of holding back, I finally decided to let him in. And it felt amazing. The next morning, I woke up to a “Good morning, Beautiful! Call me when you get up!” text message. I was feeling more confident than ever about the direction of our relationship.
I guess he could not wait for my call because I remember seeing his name on my phone as I was putting on my makeup. I quickly picked up. He immediately started talking about the night before. I blushed on the other end. But all that excitement was thwarted when he said, “I had a great time with you last night. But, do you have a Plan B?” “A Plan what?!” I screamed back at him. “A Plan B! You know, just in case.” I was shook. I let this man into the most intimate parts of me and he had the audacity to ask me if I had a Plan B!
Now, before we jump off the deep end, I have a confession. This article has nothing to do with unprotected sex, but an unprotected heart. You see, that night there was no physical intimacy. It was a night when I let my guard down and shared my hopes, dreams, and aspirations with the man that told me he saw me as his wife. He said he knew I was the one. So, I shared the vision that God gave me years ago in my cubicle as a car salesperson. My passion for that vision could not be matched. There was no doubt that I had to pursue that vision with everything I had inside of me.
When he asked about my Plan B, my immediate response was, “God only gave me Plan A.” But even with such a confident response, a bit of doubt began to creep in. I tried to ignore it, but as he continued to ask, I continued to question whether or not I was really going in the right direction. Did I need to go back to a 9-5? Was I dreaming too big? Did I want my passions to cause a rift in my relationship? I was in such a state of confusion.
Months later, my life was turned upside down when I received a call from him. His words, “I think we need a break.” As much as I wanted to think he was saying he needed new brakes, that was not the case. He wanted to end our relationship. Why? “I don’t feel comfortable moving forward in our relationship with you choosing your business. I would much rather you have something steady.”
I still have yet to find words in the dictionary that could express the level of hurt, disappointment, anger, and confusion that I felt in that moment. Not to mention that I had two major events my company was hosting the following week. I was devastated, but, for the sake of my business, I put on my happy face and pushed through the following week.
I was deeply saddened and was in a state of mourning for about a month after the breakup. One day, I decided that it was time to self-reflect and heal. And baby, it was the best thing I could have done. During that process, I dug deep and took three major steps that have completely turned my life around.
1. I asked myself some very difficult questions – One of my major goals during this post-breakup era was to heal. I did not want to be a victim in the situation. Even though he was the one who ended the relationship, I needed to see what missteps I made. A few questions I asked myself were:
· Who are you?
· Do you really believe in your business?
· Are you willing to sacrifice your purpose for a relationship?
· Are you willing to be with someone who does not share in the vision you have been given for your life?
· Are you willing to settle to appease the man in your life?
· What is broken inside of you that needs to be made whole before you return to the dating world?
There were many more questions I asked myself. But, one huge revelation I had during this process was that for two years, I saw myself through the lens of “potential wife.” I positioned myself daily to get a ring and never asked myself if this was the right person to give me a ring. I had to dig deeper. I had to remember my why. Which leads me to the second step.
2. Define the woman you want to be and become her!
Transparency moment. I am a confident woman, but during my relationship, I was not. I second-guessed myself all the time. I felt like I spent more time trying to prove how this or that I was, so he could see that he needed to put a ring on my finger. That was such a difficult thing to admit. I put on a smile, I posted the cute social media pics. But, I felt basic, for a lack of better words. As I healed, I had to look in the mirror and remember who the heck I was. I had to remember what I had accomplished and remembered why I began my business in the first place.
My goal in everything I have done has always been to empower girls and women to evolve into the very best versions of themselves. I had to remember to do it for myself as well. I encouraged myself in the Word, surrounded myself with positivity, and continued to shine my light. I was made for a purpose, on purpose. So are you. It is never too late to become the person you were called to be.
3. Kick fear in the face and go hard for my business!
While saying that you are an entrepreneur is trendy and sexy to say, it is very difficult. I read something the other day that said, “When you are self-employed, you own a job.” So, sometimes, I feel like I played myself. Especially on those days when things get overwhelming and I would shut down. However, I knew that Operation Evolve, LLC was created to make an impact. I realized that I was not all in. So, I had to step my game up.
Since getting serious in July 2017, I have done the following:
· Landed and managed an eight-month, national campaign with Nissan
· Wrote and self-published my first book, “Boss Up! Pursue Your Purpose With Confidence”
· Lost 30 pounds
· Attend my first awards show
· Started a national empowerment and networking brunch, Boss Babes Brunch Tour
· Was featured in iPUSH Magazine
· Coached several ladies in the areas of pageantry, branding and marketing, and personal development.
After it is all said and done, there is NO WAY I could have accomplished any of this if I had not decided to push all fear aside. And it continues to be the best decision I could have made.
Writing this article was a little difficult for me because I am a fairly private person. But, I know I am not the only person who has gone through a tough breakup or a loss. I am not the only person who played small to appease a partner. I am not the only person who has felt lost. But, I know that not many people go through the proper healing process. Healing is very necessary if you want to move on in a healthy manner.
I do not have any hard feeling towards my ex. I wish him nothing but success and happiness in his future. I have forgiven him. If anything, I thank him for putting me in a position to look in the mirror and see the woman I had become over the two years I was with him. I now realize that Plan B would have been me putting my goals and my calling on the backburner in exchange for his approval and companionship. I would not have been able to live with myself.
Evolving into Jessica 2.0 was not the most fun process, but I have come out more focused and passionate about my purpose than ever. Today, as I write this article. I am so grateful that I chose my purpose. Thinking about how far I have come along almost brings me to tears. No one promised you that the journey would be easy. It is not always fun. There are definitely moments of fear. But once you realize that you were placed on this planet to accomplish a beautiful purpose that will impact those around you in a powerful way, there is no way that you can get away from it.
Allow your mind to be blown away by God’s grace, healing, and provision as you choose the path that He has already set forth specifically for you. Ain’t no Plan B!