Why Am I Holding This S*** In?!

Since the end of February, I have found myself in and out of airports as I have been traveling for Boss Babes Brunch Tour. I try my best to get a convenient and direct flight, but Frontier airlines had a ticket that was super cheap. So, I went with it, even though it came with a 10-hour layover in Denver.

I was going to take some time to “explore” the Mile-High City, but I decided to find a comfortable place to set up and have a productive day of work. With such a long layover, I found time to eat, get a lot of work done, and most importantly, make some sales calls. Eventually, there was a call coming in that I could not ignore.




I tried to ignore it, but like Sallie Mae, nature refused to let up. In fact, the calls became more frequent and I knew, eventually, I would have to answer the call.


 As I started my journey to the porcelain throne, I had so many thoughts and questions going through my head like:

Will the stranger I asked to watch my things run off with them?

Are you sure you can’t wait until you get to Dallas?

What are the people inside going to think?

How can I hide my feet?


I walked in and identified a place furthest away from the entrance. As I took a sear, I asked myself one final question.


“Why am I holding this s*** in?”

I sat there and wondered why I was trying to avoid what my Dad would call a “main biological function.” I was making myself uncomfortable because I was worried about what a stranger would think, my thoughts about what was lady-like, and because I didn’t want to make anyone walk into an unanticipated funk fest. I then asked myself an even deeper question, “What else have I been holding in due to societal norms or the opinions of others?”


At this point, you might be asking yourself, “Is sis trying to make a philosophical point based on a BM?” The answer is yes, friend. The answer is yes. So, keep reading.


In the airport, I realized I was putting myself in an unnecessarily uncomfortable position. I was holding onto something toxic that needed to be released for my own health. I thought about my life and how I had held onto toxic relationships, toxic words spoken over my life, fear, and bad habits. All of those stopped me from experiencing the relief I needed to fully enjoy my life and become the woman I was called to be. I knew that there was a moment when I had to decide to release them.


 Once you make the decision to release the toxicity, you will realize:

1.       Holding onto it does more harm than good

Did you know that holding onto stool for too long could eventually lead to cardiac arrest?! But, before it gets to a fatal point, there are a few warning signs.

a.       Bloating – The issue starts becoming bigger than it was supposed to be. The bloating won’t stop until the issue is handled.

b.      Stomach pains – Those toxic situations will begin to give you mental and physical pain. When that person enters the room, you get nervous. Every time you replay the conversation in your mind, you relive the hurt.

c.       Vomiting up stool – The visual of this is a bit off-putting, but so is the metaphor. You end up releasing your s***, but it is at the wrong person or in the wrong place. Because you refuse to handle your toxic situation in the right way, innocent bystanders have to suffer along with you.


2. You cannot continue to sacrifice your mental, physical, or spiritual health for the convenience of others.

For the longest time, I struggled with voicing my opinions because I was concerned about offending others, coming off as needy, or even not being liked. Also, as a Southern, black woman, there is the stereotype of the angry, black woman that is thrown on you the moment you voice an opinion that is opposite of the majority. So, to maintain the peace, you suffer in silence.

That isn’t cute, sis. There has to be a moment when you realize that you have to choose yourself, even if someone is temporarily offended or inconvenienced. You can always disagree without there being disrespect. Choose your shade wisely.


3.  You’ll feel so much better once you get it out of your system.

When it comes to releasing toxic things or people from your life, it can be awkward, embarrassing, challenging, inconvenient, public, and a lil funky. But, it is necessary. In fact, you might even want to kick yourself for waiting so long because you will realize that it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it would be.


I walked out of the restroom with my head held high and a sense of relief knowing I didn’t have to take that discomfort with me to the next city. It is important for you to know that you do not have to carry it with you either. You deserve peace of mind and my prayer is that you start working on it today. Although every situation is different, here are three easy steps if you need a little push.

1.       Admit that the situation, words, or person is toxic and is causing you discomfort.

2.       Identify the root of why the situation feels toxic.

3.       Address the issue.

Letting go of toxic situations can be difficult. It isn’t always convenient or cute. It has the potential to temporarily offend others. You might even be embarrassed when the time to address it comes. But, relieving yourself is for your own good. So, when it comes to holding onto to toxic situations, people, words, fear, and doubt, take the words of my dear friend, TJ, to heart, “Let that s*** go! Blow the bathroom up!”