Dear Jessica: An apology to the old me
I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have thought about your past relationships, friendships, and career moves. I have thought about how you have seen yourself and shown up in the world over the past 32 years. I have no choice but to apologize and make some new promises to you.
I apologize for playing small. For years, I was worried about what people would say about your talents and ambition. I didn’t want people to believe you were doing “too much” each time you shared an idea. So, I downplayed your experience, passion, and diverse amount of talents. I now realize that you were given a set of skills to serve the group of people you have been called to. Playing small doesn’t serve anyone.
I promise to give 100% to becoming the woman you have been called to be. I refuse to concern myself with the opinions of others. I will use every talent God has given you so it can bless others. I will do the absolute most even if it makes other people roll their eyes because you are not doing things for them, you are doing them for Him. You are a bold woman.
I apologize for accepting less out of the people I allowed into your life. You should have never had to accept the negative words and actions from people who never saw your true value. Yet, I convinced you to think that being a “good friend” or a “good girlfriend” meant sticking through fruitless and toxic situations. I made you settle because I didn’t completely see your worth. I hope you will forgive me.
I promise to guard your heart. I will not allow you to lower your standards in exchange for companionship. I will speak up when people’s actions do not match their words. I will only allow the best in your life. I understand that you will never have to force God’s best into your life. Those things and people will be sent to you. And if anyone wants to leave, I will release them with peace and love.
Lastly, I apologize for putting you in a box and on a clock. For some silly reason, I forced you to wait for certain benchmarks to be met before you made any real moves. I really made you think that you couldn’t do ALLLL of the things you have been gifted and graced to do. I compared your life to those around you and have the audacity to make you think that your live was sub-par without a husband and children. I put your life, travel opportunities, business growth, and more on pause. I kept you in a city where you lived below your potential while pushing your vision on those who refused to see it. I accepted a good life for you when God had great. I will never let that happen to you again.
I promise to live outside of the box and set it on fire. I recognize that you were never born to be basic. I will allow God to lead and guide EVERY STEP. Your timeline is not superior or inferior to the person next to you. There is a plan for your life and it is lit!
I am so proud of the woman you are becoming. I cannot wait to see where you will be five years from now. I am rooting for you every second of the day. I leave you with one thing. Your purpose is far greater than the opinions, the doubt, or even the frustrations. Look at the big picture and remember the lives of people who will be impacted by your gifts. The world is watching.
Jessica C. Alexander 2.0